I didn't mention it earlier, though I have in the past, but I am more than a bit over weight. This isn't new to me, it's an ongoing life long cycle. I get fat, something motivates me to start working out again, I love the changes, and go crazy with it. Then, invariably, something in my life falls apart and I fall out of the practice. The last time it was when I tore the scar tissue in my chest and made my right arm immobile for weeks. And then, before you know it, 18 months have gone by, I'm fatter than ever (and look even more so because of the layer of muscle still lingering underneath) and something gets me back into working-out-mode. I'm waffling on that line right now, and definitely feeling the need to get physical. My body is not that bad when I'm in shape, and I'd be downright sexy (if I must say so myself) if I were to ever actually hit the goal I always set; which is 225 lbs and 12% bodyfat. Right now I'm probably up around 240-245 lbs, and 26-28%. Or worse. Sad, really. Maybe getting a job will help with that, giving me the money to join a gym again. Beyond the obvious physical benefits, I find that working out on a regular basis really does wonders towards balancing my emotions and keeping my mind sharp. It also charges my sex drive right up, which Gen would be happy about I bet.
Speaking of sex drives, mine is stuck in park. The stress of not knowing what's going to happen regarding finding work, paying bills, student loans looming, combined with high blood pressure and the likeliness of adult onset diabetes doesn't make for a sexy-feeling starroge. I'm still an avid collector of porn, artistic nude still photos to be more specific, but I don't gather much enjoyment from it. It's more like I'm driven by some obsession to collect just to collect, and then it nags at me until I index it properly by model and shoot. How messed up is that? Most of what I collect is from MET ART, Galitsin, Femjoy, and Hegre. If those names don't mean anything to you, Google will answer your unspoken questions (safe searchers need not apply). I tend to like very small, skinny, and/or athletic women; they are what appeals to my eye. I know from first hand experience that such a build is far less appealing to touch than to look at (as I am not a small guy, there are many situations that make me nervous being with a petite woman), but I've yet to be able to kick the visual addiction, as it were. Unfortunately, sex itself holds about the same appeal as porn does. It's routine, it's habit, and it feels like it's something I have to do because I should want to. The lack of desire doesn't do good things for Gens self esteem, but there's only so much I can do about that for the time being. Getting off my ass and back into a shape other than round would be a good start. I'll put it on the list somewhere after "get a haircut" and before "die."
All this talk has made me melancholy. I feel the need for a good laugh, like Mao here:
Probably going to go to hell for that. Oh well, add THAT to the list, too. Ciao, Mao.
1 comment:
I think youv'e got it made, where you fall into a mega bucks job. And if you get into a groove you don't have all that much weight to lose either.
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